BACK HOME

I often forget who I really am
I think that I'm nothing like others
I often consider that I'm weak and fragile
that I don't deserve for loves

When I look back and see
all the things behind, my past
darkness and shadow lies
like no one ever imagines

When I open my eyes
try to notice what's ahead of me
I can no longer feel safe
for another darkness and shadow haunts

My eyes are closed
My lips are tighted
Tears forces to come out
in silence a whisper says,

"God, tell me the end of my days
so that I realize how perishable I am
Show me the wisdom of You
so that I know what should I do."

I decide to move forward
and face whatever waits me there
I believe that this world is transient
and I will be back home, to my real HOME

THE RIGHT "SUCCESSFUL" PERSON

A few hours ago a girl named Elis asked me to help her to do her homework. She said that she needed an informant to be interviewed for social class paper, with "successful person" as the theme. This eight year girl came to me with a thought in her mind that I was a successful woman and deserving to be the right resource person. She astounded me without knowing it. Why? Because I thought I wasn't the right person she looked for.

When she gave her question one by one, I was praying in my heart, saying, "God, help me to give the right answer to her. I'm really honored that this little girl considered me successful, I'm really touched by her appreciation to me. It's one of the sweetest things that I've ever heard, especially when it comes from a young cute girl. Maybe she doesn't really mean it, maybe she's just running out of time to work and person to meet, and that's why she picks me. But God, You know me better than anyone, You know me for who and what I am. Even though I'm not the right "successful" person, I make her thought as my own prayer, my future existence. God, I want to be a successful person before You "

After finishing the interview, I said to her, "Elis, I know that my answers might not make you confident enough. I just want you to know that success for me isn't about money or position, because I don't have it. For me success is about doing anything earnestly, working for the best result as much as we're able, and keeping your partners and supervisors' trust to you. Can you understand that?" Maybe she didn't really understand what I was trying to say, but I hope she will someday.

Some of us are used to think that being successful means highly perfect. We work hard in order to get a lot of money, buy a beautiful house, collect some motorcycles or cars, have several bank accounts, etc; we have a good education and position; our family is a happy family. I don't say those things aren't success, they're excellent, and who doesn't want them? But we Christians have the utmost success to chase, God's success.

God wants us to be someone who is more that what people expect, He wants us to be success from inside (our mind, our heart). He never says that being rich is a sin, but He wants us to be richer in our gift, our love, our patience, our integrity. He never says that having a good position is a sin, but He wants us to be the model in our leadership, our seniorship. He never says that working hard is a sin, but He wants us not to forget our personal prayer, our service, our ministry. In short, He wants us to be proudable before Him.

Be the right "successful" person; a person who isn't only successful before men, but more than that, successful before God.

Father in heaven, I want to be someone who succeeds before Your eyes. I want You to be proud of me. Give me Your wisdom, Give me Your heart, Give me Your Spirit in order to do that. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Tim. 4:7

MOM, THANK YOU

I've been searching for a very long time
the presence of the most ideal friend
I've sought it among millions of men
yet my journey ended up with nothing

I've imagined someone so perfect
someone who can understand me
I've waited for someone so great
someone who knows how to accept me

God knows my effort
God knows my prayer
but I can't find it somehow
wherever I'm looking for

Then suddenly I realize
God has put you beside me all this time
I'm too stupid to understand
that the person I seek is you

You adore me like no one ever does
You accept me as if I were the precious one
You forgive me with never ending compassion
You love me with God's unconditional love

Mom, thank you for being so patient to me
I will never meet a heart like yours
I often ask you, "Do you regret to have me?"
and you always say, "NEVER!!!"

Mom, thank you for everything,
I love you

CAN'T BE REPEATED

This evening me and two of my friends recorded dance movements that we have practiced all these years. We decided to make them so that we could see them in case we've forgotten them. You know? It was the first time for me to be involved in such "filming".

I could see that three of us did enjoy the moment. My friend acted as if she were a director (The fact was she was just a camera girl. ^ ^). My another friend was so happy to see herself in the records (Even though she was the calmest among three of us, but I think she was the most narcissist. ^ ^). While me... I personally enjoyed my time with these two best friends of mine, I also thought that seeing myself in a video is amusing thing somehow. But I have learned one thing during the recording hours. When we made mistakes, where most of them were mine, we could easily laughed at them, make jokes from them, think that they were funny, and record the new one. It was fun to find that I could fix my mistakes by making new recordings. And suddenly something crossed in my mind, "I wish life were as easy as making new records each time I make mistake."

Some of us might ever think if there were ways to repeat time and forget any fault, mistake, or sin. But we all know that life is only once, it can't be repeated. What has happened will be our past, no matter how beautiful, how sad, how shameful it was. All we can do is to face the future by learning from what happen in the past. And it is our responsibility whether we want to repeat those mistakes, or take them as our teachers in order to do something better, to make a better film of life.

I'm very grateful that we all have a very merciful God; God who loves us, God who gives us days, God who forgives us with a perfect forgiveness each time we ask for it. He is more than enough for us to get through this hard life. What should we do is give the best, do the best, according to God's word.

Father in heaven, forgive me for all of my sin. I know I won't have a chance to go back to the past and fix it. Then, help me to do things better according to Your word. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise,

Eph. 5:15

HOPE

"Oh, God... what's going on with today? Everything doesn't go right. Is there something wrong with me? Are You punishing me, or just testing me? Do You hate me???? AAAHHHHhhhh..."

That day was truly truly truly tiring day. I think it was the most tiring day in my life. Can you imagine? I woke up late. I forgot several things to prepare the last day. My motorbike suddenly failed. The computer didn't work. I made a lot of mistakes during my performance. I was on my way home when it suddenly rained. I had to struggle under the rain and it suddenly stopped when I was home.

When I remembered this, and wrote this, all that I can feel was angry. And I almost forgot one thing that made me "fix" again. I heard my senior pastor read a verse, Rom. 5:3-5. I know that this verse doesn't talk about kind of suffering that I've been experienced, but it still give me strength, especially when it mentions about HOPE.

In every difficult situation, God wants us to see HOPE; hope that everything will be alright again, hope that difficult times will be replaced with joyful times, hope that God is always planning something behind all things happen (where it is always something good). What do we have to do is to believe and give thanks. It might sound simple, but remember this, "There is power in simplicity."

Then, be grateful, and just believe!!!

Father in heaven, thank you for everyday that You've given to me. Teach me to be grateful and believe, teach me to see Your wonderful creation, hope, each day. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

 Heb. 6:19

NOT ALONE

Today was really a tiring day. I had a lot of things to do because we're going to have a tournament tomorrow. We, me and my team, had prepared our job descriptions, and I'm responsible for cooking class (my little plan was making a little Masterchef Junior competition).

I have planned everything for the last several days. I listed all my needs, ranked things according to its priority, wrote my rundown plan... in conclusion, I considered myself perfect in planning. But, today I understood one important thing that I've missed. I forgot that although I was responsible for what had been trusted to me, I did need a friend.

Yesterday I was so ready to print out my game outline, put rice thermos to the cook's house, take the vest order, shop (vegetables, reward), and still had to finish my slide orders. Huft... I did think that I could handle all this things alone, but I was absolutely wrong. If my friends didn't help today, I had probably been fainted now.

It's okay to be very independent, it's a very very good thing. But we can't always say, "If I can do it by myself, why should I bother others?" We are social creatures who do need other people to live. We can't expect ourself to be the boss, the treasurer, the secretary, the staff, the salesman, the office boy, the cook, the tailor, the cotton planter all at once (if you know what I mean). We need at least someone else to be part of our life. Even God needs us to be His object of love.

See, don't live alone anymore. There are friends around you.

God, thank you for my family, my partners, they who I call friends. I do not know how to live without them. Teach me about friendship, about trusting others. Teach me not to live all by myself, God. Thank you, Amen.

 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

WHEN THE SKY FALLS

When I'm losing hope and worries attack
it is the time when I can't see You
When uncertainty comes and fear bounds
it is the moment when I can't feel You

My mind plays trick on me
and everything seems useless and vain
I really do not know what to do
since the whole world becomes ruin around me

God, what should I do?
God, what should I do?
I can't see the bright future anymore
I can't believe that I'm gonna be okay right now

God, what should I do?
God, what should I do?
No one can help me
No one can rescue me

All that I can do now is praying
All that I can do now is waiting
that You will do something
that You will show Your caring

And I am suddenly sure
when You say again Your word,
"Don't worry, I am here,
with you always..."

POWER OVER OURS

Last month our refrigerator was broken. We didn’t know what’s going on, it suddenly didn’t worked.

That refrigerator has been with us for years, and we were very helped with it. Some food that we sell at the shop was kept there so that it remained fresh.

We didn’t have money to buy the new one. We also didn’t have enough money to service it, since the cost was quite expensive. Finally we did something we never do before. We pray for the refrigerator to work.

We put our hands on it, and we asked God to fix it. It might sound ridiculous, but that’s what we did. And you know what, several days later, the refrigerator started to make sound as if it were working. And the strange thing was, we hadn’t plug the cable.

The refrigerator works until now, with plugged cable of course, and we do thank God for giving us another chance to see His miracle. It might be a small thing for some people, but it is a great thing for us. God has shown us that we have power over what we claim as ours.

All glory and honor to God.

RENEWED MIND

My friend asked me once, “Why do you think we still have to put salt when we cook sea fish? Even though living in salty water, why are they not salty?” I didn’t give a direct answer at that time, because something else had come into my head. I could have given a short answer that sea fish’s “body” is designed to filter the salty water in order to get water it needs, but no, I didn’t say that. All that I could think about was Rom. 12:2.

Bible tells us not to conform to the the pattern of the world. It asks us to be something different. Even though we live in it, God wants us not to be influenced by it.

Being different most of the time is very difficult to do. We normally hope that people will like us, that everyone will be pleased by what we do, but we know that it is impossible. We will never be able to please everyone. Even Jesus could not please everyone; some people always stood against Him.

I believe that we can always choose what is right, and the Holy Spirit will guide us to make that choice. We just have to learn about the courage of being different from Jesus and the other heroes of faith. Sometimes it will cause us a great loss; people won’t like us, people will hate us, people will try to knock us down, but at least we can still please God.

Let us ask God to have a good filter, to have a renewed mind, while we are still in this world. We do need His wisdom in order to be what we are according to His pleasing and perfect will.

Father in heaven, I know that I am so not perfect. Forgive me for letting my self drown with the world, forgive me for being afraid to keep standing in the right point. I really need You to brave my self to choose what is right. Help me, God. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Rom. 12:2

DO WHAT HE SAYS

If I have to choose the best time in life, then I will choose junior high school years. I met a lot of friends and experienced a lot of fun. But when I think it over, how can I be so relaxed during that years? And the answer is that I didn’t have to think about what would I eat, what would I wear, how could I earn some money? In conclusion, I only have to enjoy my schooling time, my studying time, my playing time.

I started to realize real life when I was in senior high school. I knew that I could no longer ask my parents to give me money for the rest of my life, because I was the one who should give to them now, or at least start to fulfill my own needs with my own hands. Considering the situation, I decided to work.

Without knowing what to do, God gave me an opportunity to give lesson to some elementary students in a child project. I was so happy because It was my first job and because I finally could do something to help my parents.

I was curious with my first salary. I knew it won’t be much, I was just a senior high school student and to be trusted that much was more than enough for me at that time. But I was really curious with what would I do with that first salary. I had some plans in my head, but God told me a different plan through His word. He asked me to give the first fruit offering.

First fruit offering? But I had been waiting for the job and I was going to use the money for my future?

It was difficult to give all of the money away to God, but I decided to do the right thing. When I received the salary, I brought it all to church as an offering, first fruit offering. I knew that I could not be able to taste the benefit of my whole month working, but I am glad that I did it. After that month, I see that God is working in my life until now. He brings me to the top, step by step. He blesses my job and my family. He fulfills His promise not to leave His people when they do what He says. Truly I say to you that our God is an awesome God.

BLESSING TITHE

I have learned to give tithe since I was in senior high school, and I thank to my parents who have taught me well enough about giving tithe to God. Every time I want to give, I am always reminded about how important it is to give back what is supposed to be God’s.

It is not as easy as it looks to give to God, because my logic sometimes tries to rule over me. I realize that my income isn’t that much; it is enough for daily needs, but it’s not enough for additional needs (such as buying new clothes, treating friends, going somewhere, etc). For these reasons, I am often triggered not to give to God, especially in tithe matter. But thank God, I didn’t do it.

Since I know about tithe, I decide to give a little bit more than 10 % of my income, in case I have forgotten some “little” blessings that I’ve received. By doing this, I test myself to trust and rely on God more than ever.

This decision might be foolish for certain people, but I tell you, God never wants to owe things to us. Each time I give to God, more than I should do, He then blesses me with more blessings. One of the examples is, if I give 11%, next time He will bless me 110%. He also blesses me with health, joy, and the feeling of “enough”. You know what? I wish I knew this truth since I was a little girl.

Let us learn to be more faithful in our giving to God. This is not about bigger money, it is about God’s faithfulness to us. He has promised us that He will never leave us, and this promise is much more than enough for the whole eternity.

All glory and honor to God, the Host of the universe.